Here is your step-by-step forgiveness practice. It would be best if you started by journaling anything you feel called to bring in for forgiveness. This can be as little as one comment you made that you wish you hadn’t – forgive yourself and allow yourself to move on from. All the way to forgiving someone or an event that you feel may not “deserve” forgiveness.
The Purpose of the Forgiveness Practice
The thing that we have to remember about forgiveness is that it is for nobody else but the self. You may never get the closure or the apology that you feel you deserve.
You are choosing to forgive so that it doesn’t hold residency inside of you anymore. That person or event likely has no emotion or even a memory of what they/it did to you. It does not take up space in their minds, and it does not keep them up at night. It did not create these new patterns and behaviours to protect themselves – you did.
The first step in healing that, and you, is by recognizing that nothing happens to you; it happens for you.
My Story of Forgiveness
Now, I understand that you may be thinking, how was this awful thing done for me when all it has created is fear and anxiety within me. I get it, believe me. I am a domestic violence survivor, and for years I asked myself what I have done so wrong to deserve it? How could I have created such anger and ugliness in this person that they have felt the need to physically and emotionally harm me?
It haunted me for years, but once I was willing to honestly look at all parts of it, recognize my role, I realized that it wasn’t about me in any way, shape or form; it was strictly about him, what he was going through, and the lesson that he ultimately needed to learn. I just happened to be there to receive the frustration he felt on the inside; it was his outlet.
That experience left me homeless, abused, and hungry – but I survived. Not only did I survive, but I also strived. I became stronger. I became someone I could respect again. But through the domestic violence experience, I gained compassion, understanding, and humility. As soon as I said no more and ended the relationship, I felt lifted, and life began to fall into place. Sometimes we have to go through the darkest of nights to learn who we truly are.
So, how did this happen for me? It was my catalyst of change for me. If I hadn’t followed that man across the country, I wouldn’t have met the man I married. Eventually, it forced me to look at myself and figure out who I truly am. Once the arrival of my baby boy came, I knew I wanted to be better. To allow me to let go of the walls, guards, fears, and anger. It was time to be my absolute best version so I could be the best for my son. To stop punishing my husband for the mistakes of my ex and blame him for my unhappiness. But, more importantly, I needed to let it all go for myself.
I had to forgive him to be able to let it go and tear down those walls, the anger, and the fear. He likely didn’t care that I never truly opened up about myself to my husband because of him. He didn’t care that I would dream of him and wake up in a panic. He didn’t care that I felt so incredibly unsafe that I had become a victim of anxiety in all situations.
Only I could forgive it and release it – so that I could become the best version of myself and gain a clear picture of who I wanted to be in this life. And once I went through my forgiveness practice (with a lot of emotional support from a life coach), I stopped punishing those around me, quit being a victim, and became the real leader of my life.
The Forgiveness Practice
Step-By-Step Guide of the Forgiveness Practice
At this point in your forgiveness practice, it is time to dig as deep as you are willing to at this moment, write down as many things as you would like – recall any events that your mind will bring you to.
Review your list, then put a special mark beside the one(s) that you are willing to forgive during this practice, then write those items on a separate piece of paper. Keep the original because there may come another time where you are ready to forgive and let those things go.
The best time to perform this practice is during a Full Moon. Emotions are especially sensitive at this time. You will connect with the emotional body more efficiently, helping you understand where some of your patterns and behaviours began. That will likely lead you to things that need to be forgiven so you can remove those energies from you.
- Have your page with the list ready
- Cleanse the space with Sage or Palo Santo
- Sit comfortably, and get ready to begin.
- Take long, deep breaths until you feel calm and at ease, send breath to any tension in the body as well.
- Close your eyes and begin to visualize each person or event listed that you are willing to forgive.
- Visualize each person or event being wrapped up in a bubble – you get to chose the colour.
- See all of the bubbles and begin to create a good feeling towards them.
- Say silently or out loud, “I forgive you.”
- Now see all of the bubbles float away. If you have any bubbles that are having trouble leaving, forgive yourself for not being ready to release them, and we can try again at the next moon.
- Take your forgiveness list and burn it; this will signify and solidify the release.
- When you are ready, open your eyes, and recite this to close the forgiveness practice and bring in karma release.
“Under the glorious Full Moon, I forgive everything, everyone, every experience, every memory of the past or present that needs forgiveness. I forgive everyone positively. I also forgive myself for past mistakes. The universe is love, and I am forgiven and governed by love alone. Love is now adjusting my life. Realizing this, I abide in peace.”
I pray that if you have landed on this blog that you are ready for healing. I pray that you are willing to do the work because you are so worth it. It’s a very, very small chance that you made it to this world at this time. You are not here merely to survive your environment. You are here to rise above the circumstances of your environment.
I know it’s hard, and a lot of the time, we simply do not want to do the work, I know. I’ve been there, and I, too, still struggle sometimes. But it’s in the avoidance of it that we can recognize the importance. The more we avoid, the more we need to buckle down and stare it straight in the eye. It’s that level of discomfort that will help you arise and grow.
You are worth it, you deserve it, and you can do it.
Until next time,
Relevate the day,