As a young girl, I always knew deep within that I was “different,” my brain just did not work the same as others. I made this observation quite young. I always found myself questioning my purpose… The purpose of humanity, actually.

Imagine an innocent little 5-year-old asking you, “Why are we here?” “What is the purpose of life?” I’m not sure that I ever actually asked my parents this as it seemed way too huge to speak, but maybe I was on to something because look at me now! I would question the origin of names and how things came to be. Like why is an Elephant called that? Who named it? I must be an old soul to be asking those kinds of questions at 5. I was pure energy, curious and philosophical. Having these questions so young, however, left me with a deep complex about “who am I?” “Why was I chosen to be here?”

Somewhere around 1989-1990, My aunt moved to my neighbourhood. She was determined to get me to church. She bought me my first bible and tambourine (I’m sure my parents were thrilled about that). We talked about what Sunday school was, and she gave me the option, I wanted to learn more. I stepped into that small-town church, and I immediately felt different. I couldn’t describe to you how it felt to 5-year-old Anna, but the version of Anna that writes you now knows what that was about Vibration! I was in a space that had levelled up their vibe (we’ll talk about this more in-depth another time). I will never forget hearing the bible stories in Sunday school; it left me in pure amazement. How could a man turn water into wine? Heal the ill? Feed the masses with a loaf of bread? I looked forward to Sundays to sing and dance, give our praises to God and Jesus. It was relevating! What I loved the most about it was how I felt the second I stepped foot in that building. I felt light and free.

Because I was so curious, though, it had the other kids annoyed with me. They just wanted to get through the lesson so we could move on to games and snacks. It wasn’t enough for me; I yearned to know and learn more. Then suddenly, something changed; my classmates were far more than just annoyed. They could see that I was different, I did things differently, and I desired to learn. Humans can become aggressive when they do not understand something. These kids didn’t understand me. They began to pick on me and make fun of me. Soon, that amazing feeling I had every time I stepped into the building was gone. I began to question God and his true intentions.

I was in a deep complex. If God did, in fact, exist, where was he? Why didn’t he protect me? How could he watch one of his children suffer when he was capable of healing?

Losing my Religion - Why the Suffering

I came home one day, roughly 6 months into Sunday school, crying. My mom asked all the questions moms ask when their child is crying. I didn’t want to talk. I felt alone and very sad. I curled my body into itself and just cried in a heaping lump of emotions. Eventually, I spoke to her about what had been happening. I filled her in on the bullying and my lack of faith in God. She gave me some comfort with some loving advice, but I didn’t receive the message. She gave me a choice to keep going or not. I opted not to. I didn’t want to see any of those kids again. I wanted nothing more than to believe in a “Savior,” but why didn’t he protect me?

At this stage of my life, I am also just starting my school career; the significant grade one was on its way! The message that I missed the first time came back full circle on me. Except now, I am the protector. This one girl and I hit it off right away, as she was the target of school kid bullies. I knew how it felt, and I knew what she was going through. I chose to be her friend to let her know she was not alone. To let her know that no matter what, I was there for her, something I felt that I had been missing. She wasn’t at my school very long. I’m not sure what happened. Maybe the day she came home with a fat lip, her parents decided to transfer her. I asked my parents if we could do that because after she left, the crosshairs were targeted at me. I devoted myself to be there for her, but who was there for me? She left me to the sharks. Once again, I felt alone and that nobody was there to help me when I was down. My parents denied such a silly request. I was mad. I was hurt. They tried to explain to me that running from our problems will not help us in this life. I didn’t understand; I was too young, but I held on to those words so that when I did understand, I could connect the dots.

This led to a little girl that didn’t know her worth and looking outside of herself for love and acceptance. Because God was supposed to love me, God was supposed to accept me and guide me. I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand that yes, God is love. And yes, God is acceptance. BUT I had to stop asking the questions. I had to give in to blind faith. I had to stop questioning why me. God left us with free will for a reason. We get to decide for ourselves what is right; we get to choose if WE accept God. He can only help us when we ACCEPT him.

*When I speak of God, this could be any variation that works for you; God, Universe, Highest self, it’s all the same. *

Losing my Religion - Acceptance of Guidance

When we accept the universe and its universal plan, we can begin to shed the layers, release the hurt, and receive divine guidance. We can start to rise above and learn our universal lessons. We can release the limiting beliefs such as “I am not enough” ” I am a victim.” We see that people who act from an angry place are hurting just as much as we are. They lash out because they are operating in fear instead of love. They are lost, Reflecting and Deflecting all their own pain onto you so they can feel better for a second. It is not about you. Let me say that again, their pain and reactions to you have nothing to do with you! They did the mean things because of their own fear, it’s not fair, but when we give them compassion instead of retaliating with anger, we get our worth back, we get our power back. Validate your own feelings, but do not dwell there. Accept what has happened, understand it is not your issue or about you, return to love, and release hurt.

If you’re here and still reading, I want to know, does any of this sounds similar to your story? Let’s rise, shift, and ground together. Shed the layers of hurt and limiting beliefs. Let’s get the law of attraction working and bring into your life what truly matters. Your calling, life’s purpose

Healing Toolbox

Losing My Religion - Healing Toolbox

Here are my top 3 tools for healing past trauma and finding your worth so you can try them. If you like them, add them to your personal emotional toolbox. Be courageous and try something new. Break the cycle! Share your experiences to help encourage others to try something outside of the box too.

#1 Reiki – Reiki is a beautiful energy healing modality that will gently move you out of low vibration emotions and allow us to let go of all that no longer serves us. You can receive Reiki in person or by distance – I am a Reiki practitioner that has been trained and attuned for both – You can book your appointment here.

#2 Night time-frequency meditation – whatever emotion you’ve been battling through the day, search the frequency on google, then search the Hz on Spotify or youtube. For example, right now, I am preparing for the loss of my Grandfather. He is at the end of life. So I google frequency for healing grief; it’s 396 Hz, then search Spotify, youtube, whatever you use 396 Hz. Listen to it all night while you sleep. I’ll dig into how sound therapy works at a later time.

#3 Read one chapter of an inspirational book every day – if dealing with grief, sadness, worth, etc., try to find a book that will lift you up in that area. Feel free to message me if you want any recommendations

Let’s make shift happen!

Until next time
Relevate the day  – Anna xo